When you turn on your computer and see the MSN Instant Messenger monopoly figures invitingly flashing, I'm sure you log in without hesitation - in fact with some set-ups the user is automatically signed in. I know I immediately shift though my list of contacts also surfing the great wide world web to consider who can best distract me from my work, cyber window shopping, or absent minded browsing. But imagine clicking the button with a hand shaking with trepidation and fear. Imagine your gut wrenching with the possibility that you will discover the person you argued with in fourth period has spread malicious rumours about you throughout the online community, and your so called best buds have turned on you. Or maybe somebody has already logged on as you and is busy insulting your peers on your behalf.

In bedrooms across the UK, and most possibly beyond, school children are finding the safety of their homes infiltrated by the bullying they hoped they had left behind at the school gates. MSN instant messenger (IM) is providing a scary 24/7 platform for cruel jibes and provoking messages, and unfortunately, as tradition dictates, parents seem to be the last ones to know about their children's plight and teachers are battling at the front line.

I spoke with one senior teacher at a comprehensive who wishes to remain anonymous. She revealed, as a Head of Year, in 99% of the quarrels she deals with something has been said over IM. She said:

"I don't think we can blame the children. They are at an age when every thing is a trauma and they are very hormonal, and outlets such as MSN instant messenger don't help because it provides a quick aggressive fix and that is how things escalate."

While she is insistent that she has not come across persistent bullying she confessed that in all four schools she has worked in IM has been a problem, and it is mainly among girls. In fact when I interviewed her she had, that day, been dealing with a group of seven girls who had fallen out over the service.

Most schools have taken the responsible decision to ban the service on school computers, however they have no control of the pupils' usage at home. She added:

"When I was setting revision timetables for my pupils they were blocking two to three hours a night for IM.

"Parents tell me 'oh they were on the computer doing their coursework', but there is no way to monitor their IM usage.

"When I was at school if I gossiped on the phone for too long my parents would inevitably tell me to hang up because it was costing them money, but now a lot of internet services provide unlimited free access and parents don't need to worry about getting an extortionate phone bill."

Another issue is security. These teenagers willingly give out their password and log in details and then when they inevitable fall out - as often happens with teenage friendships - that person logs in as that person.

Also, the conversations only allow for a limited number of people to be involved, so certain pupils form cliques and deliberately exclude others. In some cases they dupe that night's target into the conversation and then send them a copy of what they had all previously said about them.

However, despite the harmful use of MSN's IM, the service was created with a positive attitude and does provide a useful outlet for communication. When they are not gossiping about one another many pupils use it to discuss homework and innocently catch up, so is the problem simply cause by a minority of teenage bullies abusing the system?

Well, according to bullyingonline.com creator Liz Carnell, yes. She defended the technology by saying:

"Like all social networking websites they're open to abuse, used properly they're a lot of fun. It's the bullies who are to blame not the technology."

But I find it hard not to point a finger at MSN when you consider they have introduced offensive emoticons - cartoon faces expressing varying emotions - which obviously appeal to their younger users.

Teacher X said: "I think MSN see the service as just instant email. But what I find objectionable them introducing the 'nudge' and 'spit' emoticons. It is very irresponsible.

"There is even an emoticon showing a cartoon person with a rope around their neck." Teenagers really mean it when they send a spit, or a nudge, and as a result they are also really affected by it when they receive one. Instantly a simple IM chat has descended into a vicious exchange.

But why don't the victims just log out of the conversation or block the people from talking to them?

Carnell explained:

"Sometimes they do but it's human nature to want to know what other people say. They should really change their user name."

As for blocking another pupil this is apparently the biggest cardinal sin. Teacher X said:

"A lot of people say, 'why don't they just block the person being mean to them', but the kids have told me it is the ultimate offence. It is like having the last punch in a fight and turning your back on someone. This is when they come into school and fights occur."

Many teenagers are also frightened to report any sort of verbal attack to their parents because they don't want to be banned from using the Internet, and in many situations, the people they are fighting with one week will be their allies the next.

MSN are not ignorant to the problem and they have conducted their own survey in response to complaints. The survey found that 10% of UK teens had been the victim of cyberbullying and 62% knew someone who had been the subject of malicious rumours and gossip spread by IM and email. Their findings suggest that because the Internet allows for a widespread sharing of information the overriding impact of cyberbullying is a feeling of total humiliation. One in eight teens said it was worse than physical bullying.

Natalie Mead, head of citizenship for MSN UK, said the company was aware of the problem and taking steps to ensure all their users could use their services positively and without fear. In an interview with BBC news she said:

"The same rules apply to protecting yourself in the online and real world environments: protect your identity and any information you regard as personal and don't let bullies get away with it by suffering in silence."

In their report into cyberbullying Mead states:

"Like other forms of bullying, cyberbulling can be prevented and overcome if young people know how to protect and stand up for themselves. It's also important that significant adults in their lives such as older siblings, parents and teachers know how to help."

I can't help feeling that in some ways Mead is passing the buck and resting the responsibility on the shoulder of the victims, parents and teachers. The issue appears to be that these cyber bullies are not just the traditional bullies of the school playground gangs. They could be any pupil. In fact from week to week the balance of power between victim and bully will change just as their fragile friendships change. MSN need to accept their service is allowing for a new type of bullying where the lines are blurred. The traditional school bully has taken on a new and worrying invasive chameleon identity.

But aside from IM, cyberbullying can take a much more sinister twist. Liz Carnell said:

"Abusive internet postings can be in a forum or chatroomas well as by IM or on a website and in our experience it's rare that one bully is involved. "We've had a girl who wanted to kill herself due to the public humiliation, a boy who lost all his friends because bogus messages were posted in his name, a death threat and many more threats of violence."

Browsing the teacher blogs, websites and chatrooms I discovered one conversation discussing an instance in which pupils set up an entire MY Space web page dedicated to rubbishing the name of one fellow student.

But what are the government doing about it? Carnell says not much.

"A couple of years ago it said the Anti-Bullying Alliance was going to be doing something about it. They've given the ABA £600,000 per year but I've seen no evidence of it doing anything at all about cyberbullying. Bullyingonline.com is not a member, because they said we could only be a member if we didn't speak out against any of their policies and we refused to be gagged."

Parents, teachers, authorities and pupils need to be made aware of how serious the situation could become, and while MSN is not the only internet service providing a platform for cyberbullying, perhaps they need to stand up and take at least of piece of the responsibility for it - even if it is just some control over the emoticons. Teacher X said:

"We can try and resolve it at school but there is only so much control we can have. It is creating a culture where there is no trust among pupils, not to mention a huge level of stress for teachers."

Finally, if you consider the damaging emotional impact cyberbullying is having on teenagers across the country, I would suggest it's time to admit the old saying 'Sticks and stones may break your bones but words can never hurt you' is well and truly redundant.